I am about one month out from the day Michael took his life. Looking back on one month feels like a small victory. I’ll be honest, every part of me wants to wind the clock forward several months, and see what life looks like, in every aspect. I cannot wait until our memories become more bearable, and the waves of pain continue to ease in intensity. I cannot wait to be looking far back at this difficult season. Although it feels counter-intuitive, God continuously reminds me that part of my healing involves pausing, and being present. I have noticed each time I listen to Him and be “still” for a period of time (sometimes just a matter of minutes), He provides me precisely what I need.
God has not been silent throughout this month. He has responded to my requests, providing specific answers in inspiration, his words, and many times, through intentionality with people in my life. I could tell you a few stories of times I have felt more discouraged than hopeful the past few weeks, and soon after, God sends reassurance to me to continue on the path that I am on, and solutions for my discouragement. Every time it happens, it blows my mind, because I could not have planned for His answers.
Obviously, I have been thinking quite a bit about mental health in general, and the dangerous impacts of neglecting this area of life. I think it is true for everyone that often our minds can be our biggest battlefields. It goes without saying that if someone feels physically ill, they will attempt to find out what is wrong, and see a doctor for treatment if need be. Speaking from my perspective here- as a believer in Christ, I would pray about healing when inflicted with any type of illness, but would also take the appropriate action of getting professional help.
Mental illness of any kind is a sickness, just as any other physical ailment. Should we then neglect this area of health? Both to treat, and discuss? If one ignored and failed to treat a broken leg– trauma to the physical– it would result in serious repercussions for their body, affecting other areas than just that leg- some of which may not become undone. The same can be said for any unfortunate trauma suffered in a person’s life. When left untreated, it begins to affect different areas of the mind, and nothing short of decline afterwards. It breaks my heart to think how many of us carry untreated trauma, and suffer because of it.
As a Christian, I believe that in addition to turning to God’s word and spending time with Him directly, he calls us to turn to one another when appropriate to get the help we need. He works through practical resources and relationships, and mental health professionals. If you are struggling, please consider getting help. You can change, and overcome how you are feeling. You have a purpose. There are many ways out, even if it does not feel like it. Reach out to people around you, and reach out to professionals.
Here are some resources to consider, or share:
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
Crisis Text Line: Text “START” to 741-741
I encourage feedback and discussion, please feel free to share your thoughts with me!
thesummit697772714.wordpress.com 
Thanks for all this, Kaylee. At my new job, I work with kids who have either recently or in the farther past gone through some level of trauma from some type of abuse. Our job is to step in as soon as possible to get them in counseling so they can learn to work with their trauma, and hopefully not carry it with them in an unhealthy way for their lives. All that to say, thank you for sharing these resources. They’re out there, and so easily accessible.
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Thank you, Kaylee. Arizona’s mental health care for the poor and indigent is in shambles. I appreciate you continuing to share the light and hope.
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Kaylee….Your unimaginable pain and agony have led so many of us to hit our knees and lift you…..the Martins…..the Arndts up to our Heavenly Father!! Your ability to be vulnerable to the world and to share the intensity of your pain through your beautiful, inspiring writing is remarkable and will be a healing balm for this arduous, uncertain journey for you and extended family. Believe that many are and will continue to be deeply moved by this hard testimony…..tears still flow for you, the Martin family and the Arndt’s as you grieve….
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Thank-you, Kaylee, for sharing this devastating process of finding answers and HOPE through Christ. I lost a very close friend of mine to suicide years ago. Here I am, all these years later, and I still can’t reconcile the loss. Like many others, I keep asking myself but what if I ………… My friend convinced herself that life on this earth would be much easier for those around her without her in it. SUCH A LOSS. How do we put one foot in front of the other? By the grace of God alone. As you said, he has a purpose for each of our lives. Even those of us left behind. Regardless of what circumstances we experience this side of heaven, we have assurance that God is bigger and will redeem it somehow. I am profoundly sorry for your loss. Keep your eyes on Jesus, the author and finisher of your faith.
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Kaylee, my name is Lisa Fazio, I’m a hairdresser at Andrew Marke with your sis in law. I am 53 years old and my brother committed suicide when I was 14. He was 25. I have lived with this pain for a long time. Every time I hear of a suicide, I feel that pain again. My parents are Italian immigrants and are very pragmatic people. There’s no doubt that the devastation was horrendous but through it all they kept their faith in God and knew that he was at peace and that this was his fate.
No one could have pulled Michael out of the dark hole that he was falling into. We must go forward and know that God has a plan for us all.
Your words are beautiful and you’re right about staying in tune to others. Helping each other is absolutely what we are called to do!
I will pray for you and the Martin family.
God bless you. Xo
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Thank you for sharing this with me. I am so sorry to hear that you have lived that pain- it breaks my heart. I will keep you in my prayers as well! Thank you for your encouragement.
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